"Oh my gosh, did you see that so-and-so are engaged?" Is something I hear every time I hang out with any of my friends these days. "So what's the update on that job?" Is the other thing, guaranteed; and before you assume I'm here to criticize either of those, nah. I'm really not edgy enough to be annoyed by two people in love or my friends showing that they care about my life. My point, instead, is that hearing these things generally leads you into a place of internal discomfort — at least that's what I've noticed these past two months. Generally, after my friends and I look through the photos of the ring and the happy couple, an offhand comment is made such as, "They're so young" or "I couldn't imagine". I'm guilty as charged, and honestly couldn't imagine. But after making such a comment, I generally realize it's out of a place of discontentedness with my own life, then I also realize: I'm not alone. There's a reason why my single friends and I generally have the same reaction, as well as there's a reason why there's a tinge of jealously among my fellow jobless companions when one of us parts into the adult world of career building. This has led me to believe that post-grad life can be summed up in one word: uncomfortable. "You're working so damn hard you forgot what you like." & I'm not referring to the entirety of your life after college, just those first few weeks (or months) when you're day-in and day-out sitting on your parents couch and hanging out with your pet while you watch Netflix reruns, because you can't decide whether to get a temporary job, or wait until a full-time one comes along, or because all your friends from home have real jobs and are usually busy during the day. Suddenly, you're thrown into an alternate reality where 13 you is suddenly 22 you with the same insecurities, except over jobs instead of junior high crushes. Will they think I come off as professional? Too laid back? Too uptight? Do they think we would get along, that they could trust me? The job search is really too similar to what dating is like — all about the initial appearance, controlling one's nerves on the first, second, and third dates, and gaining the courage to not sell yourself short.
See, I realize now, as I look back on all the speakers that would come into my PRSSA meetings, they failed to talk about the reality of life directly after you graduate (unless you're one of the lucky ones and already have something lined up after your leave, which, in that case: congrats [not sarcasm, that's sincerely really cool and I wish you well in your new job]). Why would they? Yesterday I woke up, watched HGTV, worked out, played with my dog, watched more HGTV, put in a few hours for my very (very), part time, remote, job, dropped off a RedBox tape, got Starbucks, and started on this blog. Then when my parents came home we watched more HGTV, I worked some more, wrote some more, then went to sleep. Sounds nice — until that's your routine every single day for who-knows-how-long. Then it sounds like a nice way to spend a Saturday. So yeah, the post-grad blues are very real; and I believe they're very real whether you have a full-time job or not, but it seems to be easier to dwell on them when you don't have a career or a serious relationship and are living at home. Listen, anyone who knows me knows how much I LOVE my dog — but they also know I'm that person that has a packed schedule from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. Suddenly finding myself with absolutely nothing to do but hang out with my dog was really nice for the first two weeks after graduation, but over time I've found myself becoming distracted in the worst way: through a lack of genuine motivation. I quickly realized that I was so busy all the time that I never found things/activities to fill up my spare time in productive, meaningful, yet fun ways. One of my favorite AJR songs actually sums this up pretty well. It's called "Come Hang Out", and the specific line is: "You're working so damn hard you forgot what you like". So my goal for the past week has been to invest my time in finding things that I like. While some of these things are productive, some aren't all that productive, and that's okay. So, fellow stuck-in-the-middle post-grads, here is how I'm keeping myself busy during what can only be described as the most uncomfortable, odd moment of my life yet (besides being a pre-teen, I think we can all agree that was the worst). 1. Hanging out with my dog: Yeah, I'm not too cool to admit I like hanging out with my dog. She doesn't talk to me, but loves to cuddle, gets me outside, and knows when I'm sad. 10/10 company. 2. Working on my friendships: I've noticed my ability to communicate with people has greatly increased over the past month. Maybe it has to do with my lowered anxiety levels, or my suddenly very open schedule, but whatever it is, I feel a lot more satisfied in my ability to maintain relationships! Plus, there's a very real chance that 80-100% of my current friendships are going to be long-distance in the coming weeks (or months), so I want to give them as much attention now while I'm not consumed by an entry-level job. 3. Reading: Damn, I sure did forget how great of a feeling it is to read a good book. I just finished reading Mari Andrew's Am I There Yet? & am currently in the process of reading because they wanted to by Mary Gaitskill. Both are wonderful reads — very different, but absolutely wonderful. 4. Writing: At some point I really do need to reach this goal of writing my first book. Might as well start while I have all the free time in the world! So hey, invest in a passion of yours every once in awhile instead of binging that next season of Gossip Girl (unless that is your passion, then more power to you), it might pay off down the road! 5. Speaking of writing...blogging: & here we are. 6. Finding new music: Normally I would recommend going on a drive and playing some new tunes, but considering gas costs more than my whole existence, the next time you drive somewhere play some new music! Mix things up and find some summer jams that put you in a good mood. Right now I'm a big fan of Jason Aldean's "Rearview Town", 5 Seconds of Summer's "Youngblood", and Lord Huron's "Vide Noir". 7. Exercising: I've always been one for staying in shape, but unforuantely a hectic schedule doesn't always make exceptions for gym time. So, a big goal of mine was to get up and do something that involved physical activity at least once a day. Today I did a 15 minute ab circuit, yesterday I ran just over a mile. I'm starting to see improvements already (and hope to one day share some of my tips with y'all!). 8. Visiting friends: Thankfully, being in Columbus means I'm pretty close to a decent number of my pals! All my friends from home are here, and a number of my OHIO friends don't live too far! Speaking of OHIO, I will be making my fourth trip down to my beloved home of Athens today, and my fifth trip at the end of this month. As my boss put it, "You're having trouble letting go, huh?" Haha, yeahhh... 9. Picking up a new skill: I've always wanted to get more into photography. My favorite thing about my internship with College Fashionista was getting to learn valuable photo skills and holding fun photoshoots with friends. I would love to one day be able to shoot weddings (drag me all you want, but I LOVE weddings. They're such a pure display of love, and if anything we need more love in the world). So I'm currently on the hunt for my first camera; but in the meantime I'm following along with some of my favorite photographers, utilizing Youtube, and doing some research! 10. Letting myself breath: In some of my lowest moments, I remind myself that after this period of time, I will be working for the rest of my life. This past semester I wrote a blog for PRSSA on a huge lesson I took from my time in Barcelona: it's okay to do nothing. In America, work is your life, in Europe, working allows you to have a life, but it isn't your whole life. So even though it feels absolutely wrong to be doing nothing right now, I'm working on reminding myself that it's not. In fact, taking this time to myself is exactly what I need after a very, very emotionally draining year. So yes, seeing everyone getting engaged makes me super happy for them and their love, but leaves me wondering where I went wrong; and yes, whenever I see someone post about their new job, I wonder when that will be me. I'm in a constant battle with wanting to be happy for my peers, and feeling jealous because that's not me. What reassures me is 1. That I'm not alone, & 2. That everything happens for a reason. It's amazing what a little bit of patience, and what hindsight, can do for you. The list above has gotten me through the past few weeks of discomfort. Not knowing what the future holds is somehow simultaneously exciting and horrifying. If you feel the same, I hope this brings you a moment of comfort. Personally, writing brings me this comfort, so stay tuned for more on the post-grad blues. Whether you're at a full-time job, still waiting around like me, or are tackling grad-school in the fall, just remember: Avril Lavigne's death was hidden in 2003 and she was replaced with look-a-like named Melissa, who has completely taken over the Avril Lavigne persona, tricking fans for years. Stay woke, and have hope.
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